What 'Lumen Histoire' Really Is
by soulless emo person
Summary: 'Lumen Histoire' is a mysterious item, kept secret by the 'Fairy Tail' guild masters for years. This fic offers a variety of suggestions as to what it could be, as well as why it might have put Gildarts off the idea of becoming guild master. Most of them are unlikely to be canon though...
1. Chapter 1

_hi guys!_

_well, since quite a few of you seemed to like my fic 'What E.N.D. actually stands for' (subtle self promotion, please forgive me for being a bit of an attention slut...), I decided to have a go at this one. it was originally just going to be a special chapter of the afore-mentioned fic, but I had quite a few ideas, so I thought that I'd write it properly._

_if you have any ideas for chapters that you want to see published, let me know in the reviews._

_disclaimer: I do __**not**__ own 'Fairy Tail'_

_enjoy :)_

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><p>"To master, and all of my friends here<p>

I'm Sorry to say that I'm not suitable to be the master.

Well, anyway, since I've been selected as the fifth master, I'd like to do two things for you.

The first is… to acknowledge Laxus as a member of 'Fairy Tail'.

The second is… to nominate Makarov Dreyar to be the sixth master of 'Fairy Tail'

I'll travel around for a while, and I'll come back some day.

Take care, all of you.

And Cana… I'm sorry to leave you again, you can always use this call-card if you miss me, and your feelings will reach my card, so that I can come to you.

Fairy Tail is my home, I will be back. Until the day I'm home, I will hope that Fairy Tail becomes the number one guild in Fiore again.

But it is not my duty to make this happen.

It's yours.

Master, this is your last job; to make Fairy Tail the number one guild in Fiore again.

P.S. I won't tell anybody about what I saw underground, I keep my promises."

As Gildarts' letter was concluded, various guild members burst into tears (except for Cana, who had opened another barrel of alcohol).

Makarov, on the other hand, having read the final part of the message, was almost sobbing out of sheer relief.

He didn't know what he would have done if anyone had found out about what 'Lumen Histoire' really was.

**A few days previously...**

Gildarts followed Makarov obediently down the steps.

"I thought that this place had been completely demolished, even the cellars."

Makarov looked shifty.

"Well, thank goodness that they didn't. If they had, they would have seen what I'm about to show you. They could have possibly even stolen it!"

Reaching the base of the steps, Gildarts looked down at the Guild-Master.

"What actually is it that you're about to show me?"

Makarov shuffled his feet.

"Well…" he muttered slightly, opening the door.

"This is 'Lumen Histoire'."

Gildarts gasped in shock. The view through the doors appeared to be of a…

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><p><span><strong>...Massive Porn Collection<strong>

The mage bent over laughing.

"THIS IS IT?"

Makarov looked at his feet, slightly embarrassed.

"Don't laugh, this is the greatest secret of the Fairy Tail guild. It's been here for decades an-"

"IT'S A MASSIVE PORN STASH!"

Gildarts collapsed, still giggling hysterically.

Makarov ground his teeth.

"Just come and have a look."

Gildarts crawled over, occasionally bursting into short fits of mad cackling.

He straightened up.

"Ooh, I don't think I've got this one!"

He reached for a copy of 'Magic', which bore the slogan "Exclusive: Inside 'Mermaid Heel'!"

Makarov sighed.

At this rate, he'd have to make Happy the new Guild-Master…

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><p><em>random fact of the day; 'Lumen Histoire' translates to 'Snowy History'<em>

_anyone else thinking of Gray and Lyon here?_

_though, that may well have just been my inner fangirl talking..._

_seriously though,does anyone else think that the 'Fairy Tail' guild could have been involved in some kind of massive cover up? (as in snow=blizzard=crap visibility etc)_

_btw, the rest of the chapters probably won't be like this, but most of them will be a similar length._


	2. Chapter 2

** Merchandise**

A cascade of 'My Little Pony' merchandise tumbled through the door.

Gildarts raised his eyebrows.

Makarov was slowly turning red.

"L-look, it's not that bad. It's just a bit of a hobby, that's all…"

More collectables rolled out.

"I m-mean, this stuff was mainly Hades', he only wanted me to continue the collection…"

He grinned awkwardly.

"Anyway, it's not that bad. It's hardly like we've got any of those creepy fetish-pillows…"

With a sense of excellent comedic timing, one of the afore-mentioned fetish-pillows fell out, landing with a satisfying thump, next to Gildarts' feet.

Makarov looked over to him, and noticed that the younger mage was biting his lip.

He sighed.

"Alright, you can laugh if you want to…"


End file.
